Sometimes the great discord, the pain and suffering? sometimes it leads to ENLIGHTENMENT.

right on cue, it's about mid-October every year where I just lock myself in here (here of course, being my room) and sort through everything going on in my head.

There's serious duality to my personality, because most of the time I love to talk about my feelings, but at others I'll keep it all in.

And I've been asking myself this question lately: Is it duality, or is it really discord?

Maybe what it is is delightful discord, because everything I've been through in the past six weeks has led me to this period of pure enlightenment.

I'm gaining clarity.

It wasn't me at all, I had it all built up in my head.

I have my own set of issues.

And so do they.

Playing the blame game with each other never helped, and therein was the problem. this constant cycle of toxicity?

All four of us, each and every single resident of this house, had their own part in it.

And here's the kicker: Dad leaves for a couple of days (not literally leaves, but actually gets up early Monday morning and boards a flight to D.C. because he was sent on a business trip) and guess what happens?

the three of us?

Get ready!

We CO-EXISTED(and Dad will arrive back home early Wednesday afternoon.)!

and though I love him dearly, I almost, dare I say, almost wish that he wouldn't come back for a just a little bit longer?

Because we actually managed to co-exist, and for a moment, not only did I really feel like I was having an out of body experience and that the world was ending (and this because we managed to co-exist because Dad wasn't here nitpicking and nagging all three of us about every little damn thing under the effing sun...)  but that I had worried for NOTHING. Dad had made it to D.C. safe, and we had survived without him and, who knew, actually made it through? How 'bout that?


I had a moment of grace today as I stood in the living room, looked at them and smiled.

"We actually co-existed, didn't we?"

"Yeah! Don't tell Dad though, he'll never believe it," my brother grinned.

and we both began to laugh out loud, and when I say laugh out loud, I mean it.


I realized that's what I miss, those moments.


but that's why I appreciated it so much.